Helping your child become more independent is a rewarding part of parenting. Whether it’s learning to get dressed, asking for help, or following a daily routine, these milestones matter. But for many families—especially those with children in ABA therapy—supporting independence isn’t always straightforward. You want to help your child grow, but you don’t want to push too hard or too fast.
The good news is that independence isn’t all-or-nothing. It’s something that develops gradually with encouragement, structure, and support. Here’s how you can foster your child’s independence while keeping things manageable for both of you.
Meet Your Child Where They Are
Before focusing on what your child should be able to do, take stock of what they’re doing now. Every child develops differently, and comparing them to peers or siblings can create unnecessary pressure. Independence might look like brushing teeth with help, using visual cues to make choices, or learning to speak up when they need something.
If your child is receiving ABA therapy, their team is likely already working on skills that promote independence. These could include communication, self-care, transitions, or task completion. Ask your BCBA about your child’s goals so you can support them at home, too.
Keep Choices Simple
Independence doesn’t always mean doing things alone—it often starts with making choices. Giving your child opportunities to choose can build confidence and create a sense of control, especially during moments that might otherwise feel frustrating.
Start small:
• “Do you want the blue cup or the red one?”
• “Should we read this book or that one?”
Keep options limited and clear. Too many choices can feel overwhelming, so stick with two or three. Over time, these simple moments can lead to greater autonomy across the day.
Break It Down
One of the biggest roadblocks to independence is being asked to complete a task that feels too big. If your child doesn’t understand all the steps involved, they may avoid the task entirely—or become upset trying to figure it out.
ABA therapy uses strategies like task analysis to break complex actions into smaller, teachable parts. You can use the same idea at home. Rather than telling your child to “get ready for bed,” walk through each step with them: go to the bathroom, brush teeth, put on pajamas, choose a book.
With repetition, your child will start recognizing and doing these steps more independently. Be patient—mastery takes time, and every step forward is a success.
Make Routines Predictable
Routines create a sense of security and structure, which makes learning new skills less intimidating. Knowing what to expect can help your child feel more confident and reduce the likelihood of resistance.
You might use visual schedules or simple checklists to outline daily routines. These tools are especially helpful for children who benefit from visual learning or who may struggle with verbal instructions.
Even a sticky note or a picture chart can go a long way in making routines easier to follow. And as your child becomes more familiar with the steps, you can begin to fade the supports slowly.
Celebrate the Effort
It’s easy to focus on whether your child completed a task correctly, but effort is often the more important part of learning. When your child tries something new—especially if it’s something they usually need help with—acknowledge that effort.
Praising effort might sound like:
• “You worked so hard to zip your jacket!”
• “I saw you try before asking for help—great job!”
These moments let your child know that trying matters, even when things aren’t perfect. That kind of encouragement can build persistence, which is a big part of long-term independence.
Know When to Step In
Fostering independence doesn’t mean leaving your child to struggle on their own. It means offering the right level of support for the task at hand—and stepping back just enough to let them grow.
If your child starts getting frustrated, confused, or overwhelmed, that’s your cue to step in with help or a reminder. You can provide a prompt, model the task again, or break it down further. Over time, you’ll begin to recognize when your child is ready to try more on their own—and when they still need a little support.
Collaborate With Your ABA Team
You’re not in this alone. Your child’s ABA therapy team can provide guidance on building independence in a way that fits with their current goals. Whether it’s working on dressing skills, communication, or routines, there’s often overlap between what happens in therapy and what happens at home.
Ask your BCBA:
• “What are we working on right now that encourages independence?”
• “What can I do at home to support this skill?”
• “Are there ways we can build independence into our daily routines?”
These conversations can help you feel more equipped—and ensure that everyone’s on the same page.
Final Thoughts
Helping your child become more independent doesn’t have to mean big changes all at once. It’s about building confidence one step at a time, supporting effort, and creating space for your child to try new things in a safe, supportive way.
Independence is a journey, not a destination. And with patience, guidance, and teamwork, your child will continue to grow in ways that are meaningful for them.